Taking 5 steps forward

I know this is a late entry but I wanted to write one just to let the world know what's going on in the state of mind of me. When it comes to the realization that your out of school till august, and that you have 6 months to waste, it's not easy getting that through your head. I love school and I take pride in hard work and success and everything I do with my life, so being out of school for so long is a stepping stone. The only time I was out of school for so long was when I was sick, but even then, I had work to catch up on that kept me preoccupied. Now, I have a Lot to look into with this grace period. So far it's been good, i don't have that heavy schedule from Philadelphia anymore and my body can rest easily compared to before. It's only been a week but I feel like so much time has passed and so little has been done. There is so much I want to get done in this time period that I hope that I can remember everything. All I know is by august, I will be a different person.

To be continued 

Sincerely yours...

My thoughts in a million pieces..

Sometimes in life you feel where you’re not wanted sometimes or where you do so much and it goes unappreciated. You get so immune to getting hurt by everyone that your scared to get hurt again. Regardless of if it's a friendship or relationship, when you've been hurt so much times, you don't know who to trust and you start to think, "where do you go wrong as a person? “People feed you the same things, with the I'm sorry and what not because they think it will make you feel better or they say they didn't mean it to be this way, leaving you speechless, because you can just feel your self-esteem getting lower as they tell you each word. Every day I have my ups and downs. I've had more downs then ups and i don't know how I still keep moving but I do. I've lost trust in a lot of people. I completely lost trust in all girls because I feel since December they all are just bound to hurt me. It's kind of funny the way you think of it because guys are strong physically, but girls can hit them hard emotionally with just one word even to make everything shatter. I always feel like everything I do to become a success It goes 10 steps backwards instead of forward, it's like I have a target on my back every day. In life I would love a balance for once, permanent happiness where I felt loved and success, and didn't have to underestimate myself thinking I was a loser. I have been through a lot but god put me on a mission and sometimes I feel to be failing even when I try so hard not to and not let him down. If wishes were to come true, maybe I wouldn't feel the way I do right now.

Just a thought

Sincerely yours..

Ideas In my head

It’s only been three days and I've started my new journey onto a new life out of the city of Philadelphia. My next step is where do i go from here? I never actually sat down and thought about it, and it didn't actually hit me until now that I have 6 months until school starts up again for me. I have a lot of ideas and a lot of things I want to get done in this time but I don't know where to start. I am not one to lay around and be lazy while time passes, If one thing life has taught me, is that I can’t just sit around and waste it and let time go by, I have to grasp every minute of it. Just because my school situation didn't go well in Philadelphia it was a positive in the end, not a negative. Writing this blog was one of the things i wanted to start doing the most when I took a break from school because I wanted to express myself to the world as a writer. I wanted to expose everything about me and my everyday life without holding back, and I’ll continue to do that regardless of what people say or think of me, because that’s who I am. This will also give me time to learn new things about my major, something I didn't learn in school. There are so many things you can find over the internet it’s amazing. The age of information is just too much, that i want to take advantage of it. you can search in anything and find what you want. In this time period I will build my knowledge and become smarter and keep proving all my doubters wrong. I also hope to work on a few programming projects with friends in this time and hopefully I get it done by summer and someone sees it and takes market to it. I also want to start working on my music which I abandoned because of school, and volunteering and starting my charity for kidney disease as well as working for a technology type field. But I’m getting ahead of myself, every day is one step at a time. It will all get done and this isn't just to prove anyone wrong, it’s for me. It's time to rebuild and with rebuilding, you need a new character. That’s exactly what I am doing. You can only learn off the mistakes you made, not repeat them. I will work as hard as I can and by the time come August, I will be even better academically and more strong minded in school. Even though these are my plans for the next six months, it doesn't mean I won’t stop dreaming...

Sincerely Yours...