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My Thoughts are under construction.... Sorry for the long wait.... but you will have to wait a few more days. New entry Tuesday of the return of Me,,,

The Lost Times

I know I said I was going to write more on here, but I lost it, sometimes I just don't have the emotion I want to write on here, or I just don't feel like addressing certain things. I'm going to try my best to write as much as I can because I feel it helps me release some things off my back. This is just an ordinary entry of what’s going on my life right now, lately I don't feel right about myself. Since February, I’ve been out of school and I thought I would feel better, but a part of me isn't. To some people getting up late every day is the life, but to me it’s not right, and when people make jokes about it, it doesn't help either. I just want to do so much but can’t, and August seems so far away. Right now going through the process of setting myself up for going to a university keeps me busy, but that goes along way when you aren't going there yet. When i hear people say "god i have finals" it just makes me miss all of it because at least i would be doing something productive, and that's all i strive for is school Right now, i am trying to get myself back into Volunteering again, i have signed up for multiple organizations so far as well as I’m going back to my old camp to reunite the flame, but in a counselor position. I am trying to get the things right in my life before school, trying to make myself fully happy again, right now the daily routine doesn't work for me. At first it seemed great but not being productive is not good for me, I like to help the world as well as be in a position where I am helping myself which was school and i feel that its time for a change with me, and it’s time to do that now. Another thing in my life, is the girl I've talked about in recent blogs which I won’t go deep into that situation but i am really liking her a lot, this is the first girl I have liked since my ex so it’s rough, I don’t want to rush but my feelings can’t help it and I don’t know where it’s going to take me with this girl, to tell you the truth I am scared, negative or positive of the outcome.  All i know is how I feel, and I don’t think it’s going away. At this point in my life, after all that went on with my ex, I am not looking for my soul mate, it’s really just something I’m still hopeful but if it happens it happens, and if this girl was it then she is. Before I was bitter, I was so angry I just gave up on everything and just blocked everyone out. This girl came along and regardless of how she changed my life in a positive way, she showed me there's hope and she brought back the happiness in me on that part of my life again, and i really can’t thank her enough. She really is the greatest thing to happen to me and i think that’s the best way to close this out .

sincerely yours...

Back in the day..

Everyday life brings you something new. Rather it be a new problem or drama, a lot of people can relate to that. Without it, it wouldn't be life. Every day is a different problem for all of us regardless of what it is. Today I was thinking of when I was a little kid, I had no care or problem in the world. I had nothing going on for me. I didn't even like girls then. Now I look at myself and I have to deal with these emotions with girls along with everyday life being 21. It's crazy how time flies. Even when I was young and I had all those surgeries and was struggling with cancer, I still went on my way, because I didn't understand any other way to live it. Even with school, you never had to worry about financial aid and when you had to pay them, all you had to worry about was what time recesses was in elementary was and what sport you were going to play on the playground. Life changes in the instant, every day, every age but we have to know how to deal with it and just roll with it. Yes, I really do miss my life back in the day I had some fun times with my playground friends, but it doesn't mean life is over. It just means the more you get older the more you learn, the more responsibilities you get in life. I learned a lot at an early age because of what I went through and still have a way to go but whatever the future holds for me I know it's bright, and I have a lot of people supporting me along the way. So although I miss the old days I have to remember it's a part of growing up.

Sincerely yours....