The Lost Times

I know I said I was going to write more on here, but I lost it, sometimes I just don't have the emotion I want to write on here, or I just don't feel like addressing certain things. I'm going to try my best to write as much as I can because I feel it helps me release some things off my back. This is just an ordinary entry of what’s going on my life right now, lately I don't feel right about myself. Since February, I’ve been out of school and I thought I would feel better, but a part of me isn't. To some people getting up late every day is the life, but to me it’s not right, and when people make jokes about it, it doesn't help either. I just want to do so much but can’t, and August seems so far away. Right now going through the process of setting myself up for going to a university keeps me busy, but that goes along way when you aren't going there yet. When i hear people say "god i have finals" it just makes me miss all of it because at least i would be doing something productive, and that's all i strive for is school Right now, i am trying to get myself back into Volunteering again, i have signed up for multiple organizations so far as well as I’m going back to my old camp to reunite the flame, but in a counselor position. I am trying to get the things right in my life before school, trying to make myself fully happy again, right now the daily routine doesn't work for me. At first it seemed great but not being productive is not good for me, I like to help the world as well as be in a position where I am helping myself which was school and i feel that its time for a change with me, and it’s time to do that now. Another thing in my life, is the girl I've talked about in recent blogs which I won’t go deep into that situation but i am really liking her a lot, this is the first girl I have liked since my ex so it’s rough, I don’t want to rush but my feelings can’t help it and I don’t know where it’s going to take me with this girl, to tell you the truth I am scared, negative or positive of the outcome.  All i know is how I feel, and I don’t think it’s going away. At this point in my life, after all that went on with my ex, I am not looking for my soul mate, it’s really just something I’m still hopeful but if it happens it happens, and if this girl was it then she is. Before I was bitter, I was so angry I just gave up on everything and just blocked everyone out. This girl came along and regardless of how she changed my life in a positive way, she showed me there's hope and she brought back the happiness in me on that part of my life again, and i really can’t thank her enough. She really is the greatest thing to happen to me and i think that’s the best way to close this out .

sincerely yours...

Back in the day..

Everyday life brings you something new. Rather it be a new problem or drama, a lot of people can relate to that. Without it, it wouldn't be life. Every day is a different problem for all of us regardless of what it is. Today I was thinking of when I was a little kid, I had no care or problem in the world. I had nothing going on for me. I didn't even like girls then. Now I look at myself and I have to deal with these emotions with girls along with everyday life being 21. It's crazy how time flies. Even when I was young and I had all those surgeries and was struggling with cancer, I still went on my way, because I didn't understand any other way to live it. Even with school, you never had to worry about financial aid and when you had to pay them, all you had to worry about was what time recesses was in elementary was and what sport you were going to play on the playground. Life changes in the instant, every day, every age but we have to know how to deal with it and just roll with it. Yes, I really do miss my life back in the day I had some fun times with my playground friends, but it doesn't mean life is over. It just means the more you get older the more you learn, the more responsibilities you get in life. I learned a lot at an early age because of what I went through and still have a way to go but whatever the future holds for me I know it's bright, and I have a lot of people supporting me along the way. So although I miss the old days I have to remember it's a part of growing up.

Sincerely yours....

Back To Basics: Back of Hiatus

It has been awhile since I wrote on here. According to my blog i haven't written on here since March 9nth. A lot has gone on, that just separated me from writing me for a while. Sometimes they say writing soothes the brain, but not in some cases. I am a different type of person, if I feel something, or some type of way I don't really want to bring it out because sometimes certain people don't want to hear it, so I hold back. But with everything going on right now, I want to go back to writing every day. I love it, it's what makes me grow as a person and as a writer. The things that have been going on with me is basically everyday things. I have four more months left until I am headed back to school, and for the most part I can't wait. Right now I am in the preparing stages of school which is going and getting financial aid out the way, and getting my school id. But in reality, seeing the kids walk on campus, it makes you miss it. The year I was going to school in Philly, I would always nag about coming home, now I just want to go to school and learn until the lights in the school turn dim. It has only been two months into my semester off and I have been dreading to open a school book. I guess in a way I am weird that I miss school, but it's the way I am, I love school, I am immune to it. when it comes to school, it is my sanctuary away from the drama, and everything going on. The same girl I talked about in a few of my blogs, she's still in the picture, and regardless of what happens, my mind won’t let her get out the picture any time soon. I spent time with her Thursday, and it was one of the best times I've had in a while with someone. To say she is one of the greatest girls I have met up to this point? yeah she is one of them. Just her being in my presents has made me happy and talking to her and I wouldn't trade it for the world, every moment I cherish it with her because I feel like god gave me an angel after the destruction of me and my ex and I thank him for that. I have no clue where we will go from here or where it will end up I am just enjoying every moment I can instead of letting jealousy overtake me, because that’s only going to make me lose her and that’s something I wouldn't want. I am glad though that god has blessed me with such an angel though he has made me believe in miracles by doing that. Other than that, I have been working on a game project for android applications. But that is too much information I gave you too much information than I should have, thank you for listening, Until tomorrow...

Sincerely Yours..