Entry One:Inside Of me

Do you ever feel like you’re alone? do you feel like a total outcast in everyday life? well that’s how I feel every single day. for those of you that don’t know me, my name is Filipe Beauduy. This isn't a rant about how i wish everything was better because I was once told that you go through hard times so that you can get to the better times and learn from them. Everyday I attend school in Philadelphia. I wake up 6:25 take a shower, walk my dog, warm the car up, then head to willow grove to take the train. This is my daily routine every morning, when I get to school is when i feel unhappy. I’m not going to lie this school has given me a great ride of motivation for a few months, but it was ruined with financial greed, now I feel like I’m going there against my will. I’ve always said that in life, you need to have at least one friend to survive any situation where you are, i have many friends outside of school, but none understood what goes on in that school like mark, he was my only friend in the school and now he’s gone. When i go to school, I have no one but myself to fend for. The staff roll their eyes at me and do not say a word, the teachers do not acknowledge me When I’m there anymore, and the only time I’m only noticed is when I pay them their money every Friday to save myself from termination. in the city of Philadelphia, i feel so alone like a homeless person on the street looking for somewhere to stay. The only salvation i find is when I’m on my way back to the suburbs, hats when I can breathe again. when I’m in Philadelphia, I’m a different person. I’m an alone lost little kid gasping for air with people kicking me down when they have the chance. it’s not what I want to feel anymore. I want to be happy again. I saw a bunch of college kids laughing the other day, I miss that it uses to be me at one point. I also saw someone at the T-Mobile store working hard to please customers and just seeing the smile on the peoples face showed he was dedicated and motivated to do his work, I want that back, right now I don’t have any it was stolen by mcc/cti..